Have a little help from my friends :)

So yesterday was a low point for me.  Bad, bad day involving to much crying, emotions, anger, etc.  Part of the reason I even started writing was because I felt myself getting to this point.  However, one thing I gained from this day, and today where I decided to take a "mental health" day off from work, is this:  "Help is always available, it just may not be in the form you want or expect."

Single motherhood is probably one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I'm not one to take stress well.  I don't think anyone gets pregnant and decides to keep their baby thinking "I don't need  any help, I got this all on my own."  Most people have the desire to have the father activelyinvolved in their child's life, have family support surrounding them constantly, etc.  It's hard to accept that this is not always what happens.  Sometimes you live 10.5 hours away from your family, surrounded only be his dad's family.  Sometimes his dad decides shortly after you have the child that parenting is something you do when you want to and starts to disconnect from you and the child.  The parent actually raising the child has to eventually accept in this situation that the help he/she wants (i.e. constant father support, her own family) is not available.  But, it's not until you do this that you can truly be happy and enjoy mothering alone.  This requires asking for help where you know you can get it though, which has never been an easy task for me, as I don't want people to think I'm incapable or a bad mom. 

Yesterday, during my meltdowns I finally had people reach out to me.  My dear co-worker who is starting to become a good friend told me that she is free every Tuesday and Thursday night so I can come over and have our kids play while I hang out, go to the store, etc.  My son's uncle told me that he would help me clean the whole house.  My other friend who doesn't live here listened to me for hours on the phone, even after her own upsetting event occurred, to support me emotionally.  My son's aunt, grandmother, and papa keep telling me to come over whenever needed and agreed to buy him things that I may need and not be able to afford at the time.  One friend has an amazing son as well and is always wanting some playdates, allowing me some much needed adult time as well.  And yet another friend bought me dinner and a drink and helped make me laugh the whole time.

It may not be what I WANT in the form of help, because that option is 20 ft away and has stopped caring.  It may not be MY family.  But, at this point in time, they have shown me all that they are what I NEED and they are the ones that are here.  Now it's up to me to ask them for help before I have a meltdown.  It's up to me to use the love that they are wanting to show me to get me through a tough time.  For all of them and others who are starting to reach out, I am grateful.

I slept in till 11:30 today and woke up feeling re-energized.  I have become way to low.  But, like they always say, when you hit bottom the only way to go is up, and I'm ready to start the climb now.  I just need some help from my friends to get me to the top. :)