I have had a whirlwind of a year in 2012, from baby daddy drama, to relationship issues, to trying to figure out when and how to move back to Texas, how to be a great mom on my own, and everything in between. I woke up this morning and told my son that this is the year he turns two or "twooooo" as he likes to say, but really it's a year of great changes for him. He gets to start potty training, he has to learn to sleep in a "big boy" bed (even though I dread this switch), he has successfully lost all of his "baby" stuff, talking, hopping, and doing everything as a "kid" now and not a baby. Along with that is massive changes for us as a family.
I ended my year on a new path. I was dating a guy who I thought might have some potential, but sadly I have come to realize that his life drama and issues have been bringing me down and affecting me in a negative way. I was told a week before the New Year that I was the reason he had so many problems and I actually made a rational health decision a few days later that I will not be blamed for another person's problems. This is the first New Year that I entered without someone in my life since 2008 and surprisingly I wasn't sad a lonely feeling. I spent the evening playing with my son till he went to bed, talking with one of my good girflriends about changes we would like to make this year, and catching up on one of my favorite TV shows. I discussed my New Year's resolutions, which are different from any other year. One is to start writing on here more. This is a good processing ground, a good way for me to reflect on decisions I am making, and a good place to see if I'm really sticking to the changes that I want to make.
I vowed to make this year about me. Yes, I am a mother and my son is the most important person to me, but I think it's time I make myself a little more important. Don't worry, I'm not planning to neglect him and pretend like he doesn't exist now, but I have found that he's happiest when I care for myself first. I need to start getting back to things that I personally enjoy, making time for myself and my own needs. I want to get out more, see my friends, and actually introduce my son to more fun and exciting things.
I also want to resolve some of my financial issues. I started to prepare for this at the end of the year, but now I need to refocus. I have let myself slack and have had my credit seriously impacted. I plan to catch up on my bills and stay focused on budgeting and my expenses.
Finally, I plan to keep making some of the changes that I started on last year. I plan to utlize my counselor, focus on my health (both mental and physical, but don't worry I'm probably not gonna go on some crazy diet that I'll quit after three months), and start making some positive decisions. I plan to re-focus my job search in Texas and start doing what I was doing before. I plan to bring my faith back into my life more and let God guide me through the rough times.
2013 is a new start and a new focus. I just hope that I can hold onto this feeling for longer then most people do, I hope that I can make the changes needed, and I hope more then anything that my son continues to know what happiness and love is on a daily basis.